Toby's Rant Blog

They say you can never respect a man who wore tights and i think they're right. Case in point; Shakespeare. I really hate Shakespeare. He was a complete and utter muppet, probably the most talentless man to ever live. His writings have inflicted more misery, boredom and grief on this nation than any world war or disease in history. Shakespeare is the on-going black death, he's the war that never ends. In many ways i would go as far as to say that Shakespeare is actually worse than the Germans. Think about it. Shakespeare's morality was on a par with Hitler's if not worse. But what people quickly forget is that at least Hitler could write. I would rather read Mein Kampf anyday than some humourless waffle of some dead 17th century animal called Shakespeare.
In fact when i read Shakespeare i often wish i was dead. I would actually rather slit my wrists. Why? Because his writing is dull, it's boring and uneventful. It's like reading a car manual or the instructions for the fridge-freezer. No one cares.
Unfortunately though modern British society has insisted on promoting this talentless tramp into a literature god. This crude nobody has apparently now become our most talented writer. Well I for one do not think so. How can i seriously respect a man who repeatedly dressed as a girl? The answer is I can't.
I say it's high time we ditched this dead loser. He's done enough damage already. Being from the late 1500's it's about time we just accepted his works are totally out of date and completely useless to our generation. Why should we bother learning olde English when you can just pick up a modern book? You see reading Shakespeare today is no better than those fools who re-enact old battles. It's like dressing up in middle-age Armour and pretending to be a knight. Just get with the times and let the past go.
Is it any wonder the people who love Shakespeare are those who have no life or want to destroy the life in others? The man's a disgrace. I only regret the fact he's already dead so we can't burn him. But let's at least burn his books. Burn them all!

If i asked you to think of a country you definitely wouldn't think of Wales. Without doubt Wales must be the single most boring and insignificant place on the earth. Most people don't even realise it's a country. And to be honest I’m not sure it is either.
If we are being honest Wales has always been and always will be England’s inferior sister. You know, the weedy, pathetic looking, malnourished sister who achieves nothing in life and relies on the family name. Well that is Wales! Wales is just a blood-sucking leach that desperately clings to England for its very life.
And you can see why it needs England. You see I would have liked to start off by saying something positive about Wales but there’s nothing good to say. It's an absolute dump. It's one of those places you go to and feel physically sick. It's soulless, lifeless and ultimately pointless. It's the most uninspiring place in the universe. You go there and feel as if you're re-entering the 1970's. There's been absolutely no change since the mining days. It's like people are incapable of moving on. And that just proves how uneducated they are. These rural folk are totally incapable of learning. They are backward and reclusive people, incompetent and Inept. You only need to look at them to realise they are simpletons. Most of them chew straw all day and they all seem to have rabbit teeth sticking out of various parts of their face. Talking to them is like talking to goats. They have the social skills of a Gibbon. No wonder why only one in five people in Wales actually receive a GCSE or why only one in every ten Welshmen is able to hold down a job. They're unskilled brutes! Their a cross breed of orcs and ugly hobbits. And is it just me or do there seem to be an abnormally high proportion of mental people in Wales? Most people in Wales are actually mental.
That's not to say Wales isn't a successful and thriving nation though. Think of how many famous landmarks you can name. Yeah, that’s right, none. The only thing Wales is known for is sheep and leeks. As uninspiring as their people. Their exotic destinations include Swansea and Port Talbot, both of which blind the eye with horror. Wales is a depressing place. And if you felt the welsh cuisine would redeem it you're wrong. Their national dish, the height of their culinary talents is cheese on toast! It's actually unbelievable.
So Wales is a joke, an international joke. No one knows about it and no one cares about it. The only good thing that comes out it is Englishmen heading home. And do you want to know what the real travesty is? You have to pay to get into and not out of Wales! How warped and messed up is that?
So is it any surprise that Wales is too scared to go it alone? No, because they know they will fail. If Wales was to stand by itself, on its own two feet it would painfully and slowly die without anyone even noticing it. That’s why Wales amuses itself with a powerless and redundant National Assembly. They don’t want full independence because they couldn’t handle full independence. So here’s to English compassion and pity for Wales!

There is no doubt that 1918 should have been a great year for British. The end of world war one, all males given the vote, not to mention many breakthroughs in both technology and social welfare. Yet for all its positives 1918 will always be remembered for being the year that Britain died. The year when females were given the vote and the soul of Britain was ripped apart.
Sure, not all females had the vote until 1928 but this was the beginning of the end. It was the start of the slippery slope for Britain. It was the day when political correctness went mad. It was the day when Britain said it no longer wanted to be treated seriously on the world stage and got caught up in cloud cuckoo land.

90 years down the line and we're still paying the price. Things have gone from bad to worse in an ever-increasing cycle of despair. Take a moment to think about it. Where was Britain when females were given the vote back in 1918? We were the world's superpower. We were the be all and end all. The British empire stood strong and proud. We ruled the waves! Then we gave females the vote, ask yourself "where are we now?". The answer is nowhere. No longer does our small but brave island rule the waves, no longer are we even respected. We've become a joke. The empire that stood so strong is in tatters. We're a mere shadow of what we once were, it's even depressing to think about. And why has this decline occured? Because we gave females the vote.
Now i'm not naive enough to think that there weren't other factors involved in Britains demise from glory, but undoubtedly at its heart was the female electorate. And even today, in twenty-first century Britain we are suffering from the female vote. Just look at British society now. It's a disgrace, a humiliation. It's barely safe to live in. We seem to have lost all grip on law and order as people just do as they please. Crime, drugs and disrespect all rule our streets. On the other extreme we've gone nanny-state crazy. Health and safety is totally out of control. Political correctness has gone mad and all the fun in life has been removed. It's hard to avoid the fact this has all come about due to the female vote. I know it sounds harsh but it's true. And it was always going to happen. It was inevitable. Once you allow females to vote you are waving goodbye to reason and logic. And so it has proved.
The problem is that females just aren't appropriate for the vote. Think about it, we don't let kids vote but we let women vote, doesn't that sound wrong to you? It certainly did to the victorians. And they were right. In fact the old victorian arguments against giving females the vote stand as strong today as they did back then. The main problem is that women are emotional cripples. Having a conversation with one if like visiting the waterworks. They are like a volcano just waiting for any excuse to errupt. They are simply incapable of reasoning and debate and most certainly unable to make tough decisions.
But perhaps the strongest victorian argument was that men and women belong in different spheres. A women's place must be the home and all that is domestic whilst the stage for war and politics belongs to the man alone surely? It is too crushing for the delicate female gender.
Another reason to remove the female vote is that they just vote what their husbands tell them too anyway. Why not just give husbands two votes?
The evidence against the female vote is overwhelming, it's embarrassing. So i call for the end of the female vote. Things have gone far enough already. We gave it a go and it didn't work. We've endured 90 years of pain and decline and it must stop soon. I don't want Britain to turn into another Afghanistan or Iran. We have to end the female vote now for their good as well as ours!

Imagine a group of people with very small brains but very big heads. Well, you've just imagined organic consumers. You may be forgiven for thinking that these self-righteous saints are harmless. Well think again! These backward thinking baboons are keen on one thing only; the destruction of society.

They’re constant desire to see food grown from totally natural sources is not only unrealistic but stupid. It leads to 3 things; Debt, Disaster and Death.

Firstly Debt. They say that the debts of British families are a major cause in this current economic recession. Well, do you know where those debts came from? They came from people paying way over the odds for organic food that they didn’t need. It’s arguably worse than paying for bottled water! It’s chucking money at something you just don’t need. Buying organic food is total waste of money. It’s absolutely and utterly unjustifiable. And so these misguided fools have driven us into recession. Instead of saving money or spending it on useful things it has been wasted on organic food. And so these organic consumers have got us into debt.

But as well as causing Debt organic consumers bring about Disaster. Think about it, what do organic consumers actually contribute to society? The answer is an overwhelming nothing. All they do is moan, groan and chew grass. Nothings ever good enough for these parasites as they rip through the belly of society. They’re standards are just too high for mere mortals to attain to. And so they drain us and drain us. A constant source of woe and bitterness.
And as if they’re moaning wasn’t bad enough for society they are hell-bent on taking us back to a primitive culture. A society in which all progress is rejected and people are scared of change. Organic consumers spend all their time and money supporting a grossly inefficient and inferior organic farming industry. It’s as if they live in a complete and utter dreamworld. They’re mental. They're delusional. They’re totally out of control. They live in their own little bubble with Mary Poppins and Cinderella and lots of happy-clappy teletubbies and umpa lumpa’s. They couldn’t be further from reality! They haven’t yet realized that progress and technology can be good things and help people. Instead they dream of going back to the days before the industrial revolution where people lived in caves and died aged 30. Oh what glorious times they were with no central heating or transport or industry!
If we let organic consumers have their say then that is where we are heading. To disaster. Every invention that helps mankind will be binned. They’re attitude is if it helps we don’t want it. No more washing machines, no more architecture, no more lighting, we’re gonna do it natures way! So organic consumers lead to disaster!

Finally organic consumers lead to Death. It only takes the logic of a five year old to realize this. Organic consumers are supporting a way of farming that simply cannot feed the amount of people in the world. It's not rocket science. Organic consumers are brainless, they're dim and they're dense. There are already more people in this world than can be feed. We have a choice. We either use technology to produce more food or we revert back to the organic way of farming and watch people die. I know which one I prefer…….

So organic consumers lead to debt, disaster and death. But what makes these raving hippies worse is their humungous ego. All they do is yap about how ethical and moral they are. How they are above and beyond all other people. What utter tripe. They may consider themselves "free spirits" to mother nature but they’re destroying human life and progress. They contribute nought and know nought. I say good riddance to them.

Finally just a brief note on how to spot an organic consumer. Thankfully, you can tell them apart from normal society very quickly. They both look and act as if they've just arrived on the scene from Narnia. They look all odd and confused. Their dress code is a mixture between a medieval peasant and a court jester. And they always carry an awful stench around with them, usually a cross between a farmyard animal and the monkey house at a zoo.

But if they're odd and alien appearance isn't enough to go by try watching they're lifestyle. You see people who buy organic food spend a lot of they're time doing one of two things. Either eating rabbit droppings or dealing in drugs. So my advice is watch out for them and keep well out of they’re way unless of course you want to deport or sterilize them.

They say you need to try things before you can judge them. Not true. Case in point, the North. Everybody knows that the North of England is an absolute hole. It's miserable, it's depressing. It's simply souless. Now, I must readily confess i have never really been to the North of England but then again why would I? I don't want to be manically depressed. What could i possibly gain from such a visit except a string of diseases?

You'd be forgiven in the North for thinking you had just entered the film set of Apocolyse Now or Resident Evil. You see, apparantley the North of England is still in the midst of the industrial revolution or at the very least it has failed to move on since such times. The place is so bleak and filled with so much despair and yet there is so little hope. There's an abundance of negatives but no positives. So much crime yet so few jobs. So much pollution yet such little education. People carry on seemingly content to live in tin-can houses, happily scrapping it out in the gutter. Sure the North is cheaper than the south but it's also inferior and inadeqete. It's like buying Bolax instead of Rolax or Mike instead of Nike.

Think about it. Why would anybody settle for the North? What is it even famous for. London has parliament and heritage, Oxford has the university and history but what does the North have. Sheffield has steel! whoa, big deal. Leeds has textiles. Unbelievable, i can barerly contain my excitement! But best of all what is Liverpool famous for other than drugs and slavery? The Beatles? Fraid not. Liverpool is famous for stabbings and theft, hardly a claim to fame! In fact, truth be told all northern cities are dull.

Finally just a note on the people of the North. These are an amusing bunch. I must admit they do make me laugh. Probably for the wrong reasons though. Am i honestly the only one who goes abroad on holiday and finds the rude and loud British tourists are the northerners. Why is it their vocabulary is limited to that of a 5 year old and why must they compete to outdo a howler monkey? However perhaps most amusing of all is this. Why oh why do they pretend to be so hard? They are born and raised in depressing industrial towns not the artic. Why do they turn round, take off their shirt and pretend not to be cold when it obvious their freezing their arses off in the snow. Am i seriously suppossed to be impressed with this?

I've been waiting a long time to blog now. Waiting for something to enrage me so much that i'd have to get my feelings off my chest. Well that moment has come. Bottled water! I find it hard to imagine anything more annoying in life than bottled water. In a way it's a bit like the EU and the Liberal Democrat party. It's needless, it's redundant, it's utterly pointless but the brainless masses still buy into it.

It's so stupid it's beyond belief. Would you buy a leg when you already have one? Would you have a heart transplant when you already have a perfectly good heart? Of course you wouldn't because it would be idiotic. So why buy bottled water. I simply refuse to believe that a person of reasonable intellect could even contemplate buying water when he can just turn a tap? Is switching a tap really that hard? Are people really too lazy to do that?

If you do buy bottled water then give yourself a slap for your stupidity. Why not just chuck money down the drain? At least then you can appreciate what a dumb ass you are. I mean, come on, get real, what is your problem? Here's some news for you. We don't actually live in the middle of a desert or the ocean. I dont know about you but i actually live in a house that has a tap! Well here's a novel idea: Why not use the tap?

I mean come on! I dont imagine you buy bottled oxygen to breath instead of using the air do you? If you're too lazy to turn a tap and you like wasting money why not buy a machine that breathes for you or better still one that thinks for you.

But what's worse is the misguided beliefs of bottle buyers. They are naive enough to think its superior water. Is it mere coincidence that evian spelt backwards reads naive? I think not. I can understand buying bottled water in shanty town civilizations like France where sanitation hasn't been invented yet. But i cannot fathom buying it in the UK. And why would you?

Tap water is good quality and it includes the minerals and whatnot that bottled water filters out. All this means that come the age of 30 you can tell who drank tap or bottled water. You want to know who drank bottled water? Look for the weedy, pathetic looking man without a proper immune system. The one so fragile and timid that it makes you laugh. The one that always seems to catch a cold and is constantly ill and under-developed. What about the sensible man who drank from the tap? This person will be infinitely stronger, well nurished, clever and probably a good laugh.

So the choice is yours. You can waste your money on a pointless, unnecessary bottle that harms your health and destroys your immune system or you can obtain some common sense and use what you already have. I mean why on earth would you support the bottled water industry? You're only helping the french and scottish economy anyway! Go back to sense, go back to the tap!

"Stupid, idiotic, unnecessary, pointless, redundant, dishonest and immoral", Just a few of the many words that can be used to sum up the EU. This growing catastrophe has probably inflicted more pain and suffering upon europe and the globe than any war or natural disaster in living memory.

Otherwise known as the new French empire the EU is driven by its burecratic circus monkeys who insist on senseless red tape and legislation so as to ensure everything is as ineffective and inefficient as possible.

So dire is the EU that prehaps the Common Agricultural Policy (designed solely for France's benefit) is one of their better policy initiatives. This scheme which so richly rewards incompetence insists on extravagant payouts to inefficient farmers that not only make meager economic contributions but represent only 5 percent of the population. However it can certainly be viewed as no worse tham the insane and brainless decision to move the EU headquaters from Brussels to Strasburg on an annual basis. The stupidity of this is hard to fathom, harder still when you consider the $400 million cost of the new strasburg building which incidentally includes $12,000 luxury showers in each MEP office. I'm really glad that they dont waste any of our money!

However what is most ridiclious and absurd about the EU other than France is its unhealthy obsession with irrational and pointless rules. Their pharisaic fixation with legislation and meaningless red tape beggars belief as they pile rules onto rules. Seriously who really cares if bannanas are weighed in pounds or kilograms?

Like a turkey looking forward to Christmas, so is the EU's stupidity, I for one have just about had enough of it now. Britain seems to be the only country dumb enough to obey all of their laws. Why would we want to be part of this morally bankrupt community anymore?

This rant may offend but i'm convinced of its truth!

Last year the misguided and disillusioned Wimbledon administration gutlessly decided to an unjustified increase in female reward money to the same figure that men recieve, what a disgrace! what were they even thinking? This flies straight in the face of 100 years of the equal rights movement.

As such i've become increasingly fed up with this shambolic decision. Only Ostrich's with their heads stuck firmly in sand could support such stupidity and ignorance. Clearly men play tennis for far longer than females, usually at least twice as long as they battle the best of 5 not 3 sets. How can we be so blind of this obvious truth? How can pay be equal if one is working double to get it!. The usual illogical and unthought through defence for this positive discrimination is that mens and womens tennis is equally entertaining. Whilst this sounds such a nice, reasonable and tolerant answer its completely wrong. Even if it were the case that both were equally entertaining it still ignores the fact that the men entertain for a longer period of time. And in all honesty how many people can truthfully say they prefer the womens game??

To Illustrate my point one only has to look at the typical 25 minute female game where the stronger player wins by a common scoreline of 6-1, 6-0. What a work-out and what a spectacle! Its so great to witness these athletes being pushed to their limits and battling so valiantly in the face of such gritty competition. In all seriousness though, the disparity between the playes can only be described as laughable yet tragic. Generally their will be one female who is so masculine that she can easily be mistaken for a male as she repeatedly hits unreturnable winners whilst relentlessly releasing ever increasing farmyard grunts. Meanwhile at the other end stands the petit, delicate femine lady who like many girls seems barely capable of lifting the ball over the net let alone possessing a backhand. This undisputed mismatch can only lead to a humiliating annihilation of the weaker opponent. Such cruel torture reminds one of the unbearable drowning of cats for a laugh. How can we tolerate watching one opponent be dispatched in 20-30 minutes whilst hitting the ball only a dozen or so times?

I still feel embarrassed that in response to the ever prevalent PC culture and society wimbledon has turned its back on common sense and equality. Surely equal pay can only come with equal play, both in terms of time on court and entertainment provided. Clearly the mens game is well ahead on both levels yet it is deemed PC for positive discrimantion to prevail where everyone has to pretend that the womens game is as equally entertaining and good as the mens. Why should we have to continually fool ourselves and hide from the truths of reality, what nonsense!

Rage filled drivers all accross the nation are being thwarted on a daily basis in their attempts to destroy lives and rain destruction upon the roads of England. Naturally every driver enters his vechicle with a strong desire to kill others, treating their daily commute to work as practice for the "destruction derby" and an opportunity to cause widespread havoc.
However these monsters on wheels with no respect for human life have been defeated by everyones favourite sign-the "baby on board" sign. We are all in deep gratidude to the friendly, ever present yellow sign that has transformed road safety. This sign has achieved more than speed cameras and the police could ever dream to do, it has restored law and order to our roads and helped us rediscover civilised courtesy. No longer do we live in constant fear of people ploughing into the back of us as we can opt for the safety provided by the "baby on board sign". Previous generations would be turning in their graves at their own inablity to devise such a certain life saver.
But in all seriousness the baby on board sign must be without a shadow of doubt the single most insulting, infuriating, ridiclious and unecessary warning ever devised by mankind. It is impossible to fathom the stupidity of people who would acquire such a sign which serves as little purpose as the classic "may contain nuts" warning on a pack of peanuts. It is high time these goons realised that not everyone in the world is out to kill their baby and if they were advertising their presence is a most stupid idea. What makes these bigotted people think that every other motorist but themsleves wishes to mindlessly inflict great pain on others?
Bascially they are sticking two fingers up at society and any trust in mankind. If anything these irritating, irrelevant signs are only increasing road rage and car accidents. By stating such an irrelevance it can only lead to inevitable frustration and rage from fellow, otherwise restrained road users who feel their intelligence has been insulted. As such they get villified by courts of law for "dangerous driving" and being "inconsiderate road users" when all they have done is merely react to the slap in the face that they recieve as the "baby in the back" sign stares at them. If anything these poor souls should be viewed as the victims of such crashes and not the instigaters and as such insurance firms should turn a blind eye to the way they have heroically taken the law into their own hands for the greater justice.

Imagine a sorry looking random stranger arrives at your door in need. You graciously and generously welcome them inside and provide them with ample food and drink before granting them your own bed and clothes. How would you feel if in return they exploited your hospitality, stabbing you in the back by stealing your possessions before physically and violently assulting you. You may assume this to be a far-fetched scenario, however in reality this is what vegetarians are doing to society every single day.

How much longer must we tolerate their blind ignorance and stupidity as they not only deprive the masses but also reject the advances made by humanity over the last 3000 years. There is a reason why we sit comfortably on top of the food chain and this was not achieved by mimicking rabits (who incidently are bottom on the food chain). Why must we insist on demeaning and dehumanizing ourselves and disregarding the technological and scientific advances that have been achieved by such great meat eaters of the past? Newton, Einstein and Brunel would be turning in their graves at the thought that humanity's finest could even consider refusing a juicy, tender steak. Vegetarianism flies into the face of logic as it insists on demoting humans to a inferior sub species who will be destined to die out and as such should be removed from the human gene pool on an immediate basis.

The fundamental problem is that ALL vegetarians are weak. Their love of dumb, lumbering, diease-carrying but ultimately tasty animals is misguided and disillusioned. If one seriously considers animals to have equal rights with humans then i strongly urge then to try consulting a Turkey as to it thoughts regarding Christmas. Ultimately animals have one sole purpose and that is to provide for those higher up the food chain. Such logic is obvious, so much so even Mufasa (in the Lion King) could comprehend there was a "circle of life". Why are so many adults incapable of understanding this most basic principle which was so easily communicated in a childrens Disney film.

I for one think such nonsense should be terminated before a permenant detrimental effect can occur. Society and the economy are crying out for meat as these inward, selfish people demand their own special dishes. Cattle farmers all over the world live in constant fear of the potential epidemic that this plague on society could cause. Additionally why should we lose vital economies of scale in production in order to offer more inferior options to this sub-species? The reason tuition fees are rising is because it is becoming ever more costly to provide at universities for both normal people AND vegetarians. Why should they have their own special menu, they shouldn't be allowed in the same restuarant! It is high time that some of the deadweight from society which holds and drags us back was removed in order to ensure a brighter future for the majority.

If you want to bum around all day then become a surfer. They may give the impression they rock and are "radical" with their "no work, more drugs" mentality but in reality we all know they represent the new form of the black death as they destroy our nations coastline with their complete lack of self restraint or self-respect. They are also, perhaps the most discriminatory group you could ever meet with one only able to become a surfer if you can meet their strict requirements of being young, liberal, possessing long sandy hair and having a tendancy to love baggy shorts. Have you ever seen anybody with dark hair surf?

What is most annoying is that they talk the talk but do not walk the walk. They give it all the "Global warming bad" and "surfers against sewage" nonsense but in reality the single most devestating contributer to global warming is not airlines or industry but surfers. Have they ever stopped to realise the hundreds of miles they travel in an inefficient VW camper vans each weekend as they pump carbon dioxide into our nations clean air. Whats worse is their blind ignorance of their own visual and verbal pollution as they crowd the cornish coastline larking about in the surf, turning the once idealic Newquay into a concrete block. Furthermore to claim they are against sewage is completely inconsistent with their greasy hair.

However the single most confusing concept regarding surfers is why they need to surf anyway, it seems like such a wasteful activity. If you want to get wet then why not go for a swim, if you want to travel over water then i suggest a boat is a far more sensible option. Nonetheless these uncivilized, barbaric creatures insist on dragging themselves onto a little board so they can travel up to 10 metres on a wave before they fall off revealing the clowns they are. I can only think its natures justice that sharks attack surfers on their little boards as they mistake them for seals. And to be fair sharks shouldnt be vilified for seeing seal qualities in surfers. They loaf around all day wasting away on the beaches, demonstrating their lack of ability to communicate with the english langauage as they babel out in a manner not dissimilar to feeding time at the zoo. Moreover surfers display the same lazy incompetence as gap year students as they develop their own, unique superiority complex over the rest of society. How they justify their existence to themselves one can only wonder.

Think of a tragedy and you'll probably think of the gap year. The gap year phenomenon is a growing trend amongst the liberal youth to "experience" the world and get one over on everyone else. By exploring the world and themselves gap year students become enlightened experts and cultured, sophisticated gurus. Many claim as my housemate Tom does that "i wouldn't be the man i am today if it weren't for my gap year" or make absurd claims such as "life is not worth living if you haven't had a gap year". As such you would be forgiven for thinking that real life started via a gap year and not with birth. So how do us mere mortals respond to such experienced, educated, civilized wiseman who have reaped such great benefits from the gap year experience? Can we ever attain to their high standards and are we ever going to be worthy to be graced by their presence?

I'm sure they would argue no, for we lack their maturity. However in reality, if i asked you to think of gap year students the phrases "Wasters, spongers and parasites on the belly of society" would almost certainly spring to mind. I find it mind boggling that gap year students expect to be so highly respected when all they have done is fooled around like King Louis in the jungle. Meanwhile decent, hard working people have restrained from such nonsense in order to earn a living and develop a career whilst the gap year students contribute nothing and return expecting to be treated as kings after waltzing around for a year. One can only imagine their devastating drain on the British economy. Their animal antics and false superiority complex as they drag themselves around the globe do no favours for us who get on with life.

They return dismayed at how a human being could possibly work or hold down a routine and refuse to work before 9am because they once saw the sunset in South America. Furthermore they bemoan all western life because of their elephant riding through the an environment as fierce as Marwell zoo. Their self pride and arrogance beggars belief as these lumbering clowns come back thinking they rule the place. They permenantly cant settle down regardless of the bank balance or commitments and expect others to fill in whilst they "find themselves" and go on their path to self-enlightenment.

However, perhaps the single most annoying thing about the gap year phenomenon are their melodramatic life changing experiences after having spent 2 days in an airport in Singapore or as they write from a McDonlads internet cafe in Bangkok about how everything is so culturally different. Suddenly they become unrecognisable to their friends at home, maybe the standardised Big Macs or latte's are significantly different in these far flung exotic worlds. In all seriousness i once read an email from a gap year student claiming after one sole week to be quite simply unrecognisable.

Furthermore one must question the contributions they make whilst at their destinations. Many teach english to people who quite frankly are never going to use it or who already speak it. For instance how many Peruvian people actually need to learn the english language. Moreover these gap year jokers feel they should be utterly bestowed with gratitude as they end up depriving these poor african families of their only goat before revealing their vegetarian preferences as part of their ethical gap year persoanlity. Their disillusioned view that their building prowess as an eighteen year old student straight out of college, who has never lifted a brick let alone built a school, yet they somehow assume themselves to have superior qualities to the locals despite being a glorified unskilled labourer. Are they not in effect continuing imperialism in a new form? If they really wanted to help i'm sure their £3000 fee which they paid to get out there and explore could be far better used directly by the locals on food and necessities rather than another building for buildings sake.
Its about time these people got over themselves, grew up and took some responsibility!

It is prevalently held by the liberal academic clique that the British Empire was and is the root of ALL evil. The trials of the modern day to day life including traffic jams and screaming babies can all be attributed to Britains mismanagement and disillusioned expansion accross the globe. Even the roots of global warming can be traced to the shere greed and arrogance of the nineteenth century Britain.

What utter tosh!

For many of these countries the British Empire was the best possible thing which could have happened to them and we shall never know the full benefits that could have arisen due to widespread impatience and ignorance. I remain convinced that they should be overwhelmed with gratitude for the time, effort and expense which we tirelessly poured into their primative societies in an attempt to drag them kicking and screaming into the modern world. The British installed governance and discipline in an otherwise rouge state in an attempt to prevent constant bickering at backstabbing. How can we possibly be viewed as the villans? Those nations would be nothing without us.

Those nations that have remained loyal to the flag have continued to reap the benefits with booming economies and socities such as Gibralter. Hong Kong is a fine example of British rule and positive intervention at its best as Britain transformed a desolate rock into a world financial centre to the globes disbelief. The Falklands remain carefree, enjoying unrivalled quality of life whilst those for who claimed independence one can only imagine their deep regret at leaving the greatest empire ever to grace the planet.

It therefore comes as no surprise that our little island nation should boldly label itself great. For we are no mere Britain, we are Great Britain. Rule Brittania!

Rarely in all my time have i seen a football manager of such shere incompetence as Steve McLaren. When the FA decided to sack Sven and lets be honest it took them long enough, all they managed to achieve was to replace one lame duck with another, only at least Sven could win the odd game.
In fairness to Steve McLaren his record speaks for him. In charge of 7 England internationals he has managed to rack up a formidable sole victory against the mighty Andorra. Furthermore football giants England now sit in ever increasing dominant position as they battle it out with fellow football superpowers such as Estonia, Macedonia and Israel. It therefore surprises me that any of us should question Steve McLaren's tactical acumen.
But obiously Steve is the man for the job, his antics at Middelsborough really earnt him the right to manage our nation. Of particular note is his consistent bottom half finishes with a Middelsborough side which he spent Abramovich-style funds. Such signings as Jonathan Greening really helped transform the clubs fortunes into the current superpower it now is. However the most commonly citied reason for his appointment as England manager is his so called ability to play well in cup competitions. This based on the fact he managed to get to a semi final in both the UEFA and the Carling joke cup in the same season. What people forget is that he won neither, additionally the same year he managed to scrap pass the mighty Nuneaton Borough on a FA cup replay in the third round. Moreover it is worth considering that to actually get to an international cup competition one must first overcome the league stage, which as the evidence indicates is not McLarens strongest attribute.
So what should be done? Whilst it seems somewhat cruel to shot a lame duck of such embarrassingly limited ability as Steve McLaren one must pragmatic about such matters. Theres no room for sentimentality for this plucky Englishman who symbolises all the embodiment of this nations ills. I say we should axe this misdirected individual so that he can be relieved of his inevitable misery.
Whilst McLaren may strongly argue, as he does after every defeat that a good performance is round the corner the public are running out of patience, even if he seems to have this in abundance. How long does the guy seriously expect fans to tolerate draws with Macedonia whilst he gutlessly blames negative tactics of the opposition. Im fed up of suffering from the sidelines as this clown destroys our beautiful game. A cheshire cat he may be but no England manager!

Scotland, perhaps the biggest joke of them all. No single country on this earth annoys me quite as much as Scotland at the moment except maybe Ireland and France. I for one am fed up of their constant whinging to their superior neighbour, England. They have seriously developed an inferiority complex (quite right in some ways)and insist on moaning constantly. With one hand they take our subsidies to waste on their parliament building and plough into public services and with their other they try and slap England in the face. Have you ever met a Scot who didn't complain about England?
If one stops for one minute to think, then you see how absurd it is. Scotland would be even more of a joke without England, their economy is basically ours and they get a very good deal out of the union yet all we hear is their pathetic groans. I for one would like to see them break off the union and see their nation fail. Scottish oats and Whisky won't be enough to save their bleak economy and nation. Let them keep their useless bagpipes and kilts. Who knows? if seperated from us then they may just have to acknowledge that they are the problem and they can spend all day and night back-stabbing each other rather than England.

Subsequent proof of Scotlands bleak and failing economy: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/6739007.stm